What Publishing My Book in Midlife Taught Me About Finding My Voice

Originally shared on Sonja McKaiser’s Midlife Sessions podcast

Every year since 2017, I’ve chosen a Word of the Year to guide my intentions. My words have taken me through growth, trying everything, embracing ease, and finding connection.

But 2025? My word was STORY.

And it changed everything.

Publishing my book in midlife wasn’t just about ticking a goal off my list – it was a complete reclamation of who I am and what I’m here to do. At 48, with two decades of grief behind me and a voice I’d finally found, it was time to stop hiding.

The Moment I Decided It Was Time

For years, I’d been sharing snippets of my story in support groups and one-on-one conversations. Every time I shared, someone would say “me too” or “I’ve never heard anyone else say that.”

In 2021, I went on a retreat to Egypt called “Finding Yourself in the Desert.” That’s when I started journaling properly – not just venting, but really excavating who I was beneath all the masks I’d been wearing.

By 2022, I realised I could turn those journal entries into a book. I could tell my whole story cohesively, not just in pieces.

But here’s the thing – I kept putting it off.

The moment that changed everything? Working through my goal-setting workbook in late 2024, I realised I’d had “publish my book in October” on my yearly goals list for two years already.

It was time to actually get it done.

So I chose STORY as my word for 2025. And every decision I made that year led me to publishing my book in midlife.

If one woman feels less alone because of my words, it’s worth it.

The Permissions I Had to Give Myself

Writing a book isn’t just about getting words on paper. It’s about giving yourself permission to be seen.

Here’s what I had to grant myself permission for:

Permission to be imperfect. Done is better than perfect. My book isn’t flawless, but it’s DONE.

Permission to tell the WHOLE story. Including the parts I’d kept secret for years. The termination I’d hidden. The darkest nights. The moments I’m not proud of.

Permission to be vulnerable publicly. Knowing people might judge me, mock me, or dismiss my pain – and doing it anyway.

Permission to claim “author” without being traditionally published. No publisher. No professional editor. Just me, Google Docs, and determination.

Permission to bootstrap everything. I used the skills I had, the tools I could access, and the community who had supported me.

Permission to tell our family’s story. This journey wasn’t just mine – it involved my husband, my children, my losses. Their stories are woven into mine.

I had to give myself permission to be seen – really seen – warts and all.

How Midlife Shaped the Story I Told

Publishing my book in midlife at 48 feels completely different to how it would have at 28 or 38.

Midlife gave me the reflection. I could look back at Pre-loss Me and see who I was before the losses changed everything. The book became a way to integrate her back into who I am now – not leaving her behind, but bringing her forward.

Midlife gave me the rebellion. I’m done performing. Done with masks. Done caring (as much) what people think.

Midlife gave me the processing I didn’t know I still needed. Perimenopause has brought up ALL the TTC and loss triggers again. Unpredictable cycles. Tracking. Checking for blood. The same anxiety I thought I’d worked through years ago came flooding back. Writing the book helped me to process layers of grief I didn’t realise were still sitting in my body.

Midlife gave me the courage. I’m old enough to not care what people think. Young enough to still have the energy to do the work. And determined enough to claim my authentic voice before I run out of time.

I spent my youth performing who others wanted me to be.

Midlife let me tell the truth.

What Surprised Me About Being Seen

I thought publishing my book in midlife would mean it

How many people resonated with what I have written. Not just loss mums, but women who saw themselves in my people-pleasing, my masks, my journey back to myself.

How my words helped people look at OTHER aspects of their lives differently. Women who haven’t dealt with their own losses from decades ago, suddenly feeling seen for the first time.

How my vulnerability gave others permission to be vulnerable too. Strangers trusting me with their stories because I trusted them with mine.

And here’s what still surprises me: How HARD it still is.

I’ve published my book. People have given me beautiful feedback. I’ve had podcast interviews and speaking opportunities.

And I still feel incredibly vulnerable.
I still battle imposter syndrome.

Publishing didn’t magically make me confident. Being seen didn’t erase the fear.

But I did it anyway.

For the Woman Who Wants to Share Her Story But Feels Hesitant

If you’re sitting on your story – whether it’s about loss, grief, transformation, or something else entirely – here’s what I want you to know:

Start small. Journal for yourself first. No audience needed. There is so much healing in just getting the words out of your head and body, and onto paper.

You don’t have to publish a book. A blog post counts. A podcast interview counts. Sharing in a support group counts. One-on-one conversation counts.

Your timing is perfect. The universe knows when your story needs to be told. If you’re waiting, wait. But if you feel like you can’t wait anymore? That’s your sign.

Your story matters – even if “only” one person needs to hear it. (Spoiler: It’s never just one person.)

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I was terrified to publish. I’m still terrified every time I hit “post.” But I do it anyway.

You don’t need permission to tell your story. But if you’re looking for it, here it is:

You’re allowed to tell your story.

Your imperfect, messy, vulnerable, beautiful story.

And as I always tell my clients: Published is better than perfect. Always.

Resources:

🎧 Listen to the full podcast conversation:
Sonja McKaiser’s Midlife Sessions – “E8: Permission to do the damn thing!“

📖 Read my book: “All of These Lines: My Story of Pregnancy Loss and Hope”
Available on Amazon and most places books are sold: https://biancajohnson.me/all-of-these-lines

📝 Start your own story: Download my free journaling guide “Finding Your Words” (7 prompts to help you begin)

💜 Want support telling YOUR story? Book a Transform Call – one 60-90 minute session to work through ONE thing holding you back from sharing.

Over to you:

What story are you sitting on? What would it take for you to start sharing it – even just with yourself first?

Send me an email at [email protected] – I’d love to hear from you.

Your story matters. And I’m cheering you on. 💜🦋